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Example of the worst cover letter ever?
I have put my comments in brackets... but you may well disagree with me. I hope I have not come across as attacking him. This is a brave, if misguided approach, and one that I believe will not work, after years of experience as an in-house and freelance script reader and developer.
I have posted it as an example of what not to do, as there are many books that offer sample letters and advise not to make these mistakes, but do not provide a sample. I also wish him luck with his reponses.
Dear Film Production Company Personnel
[impersonal and shows lack of research]
Greetings. I am writing you all because at one point or another, you have either passed on my screenplay query, ignored it, told me that you "don't accept unsolicited inquiries," or downright rejected it altogether.
[So why write again with the same project? We are not monsters, we just don't want to waste your time. No generally means no.]
Some of you (about 2 out of 100 or more) actually requested to read my screenplay after reading my query. One of you was actually interested in the script after reading it, but for some reason, you stopped communicating with me about moving forward after dozens of emails expressing your interest.
[pointing out rejection is not a good start]
I have no idea why. For the record my good friends, my screenplay is a supernatural thriller entitled XXXXX [name of script changed] Please be advised, that this letter is not an attempt to be "cute," evoke sympathy, score a script sale, or make you feel bad. This letter is simply what I call "real talk" from me to you. I'm not bitter, I'm just disappointed with a few things in the industry, and I would really like some answers.
[Honest. But unprofessional. Writers, myself included have often felt this way after a rejection, but emphasising it is a dangerous approach - most likely to end in another rejection note]
Firstly, XXXXX is... [Paragraph on subject of film - with comparisons to similar films. On its own this is not a bad pitch, but after the last paragraph where he says he is just looking for answers, and not a sale, it seems a last ditch attempt to sell it]
[More explanation of story removed to protect the idea for the writer] (this is the film's hook, dear readers, and it's a great hook because XXXXXXXXX, especially teenagers. This script already has a built in target audience).
[commenting on target market is generally a good idea proach, it shows that the writer is thinking commercially. However, the "dear reader" does not. It has only worked for Jane Austen. Here it seems patronising. The tone of this letter is wrong.]
XXXX is the story of a family's faith and the will to survive (faith and will to survive, just like M. Knight's Shymalan's huge smash hit, "Signs," I'm on the right track).
[Comparisons to other films are also a good technique, suggesting an understanding of market. However, pegging too much on a film that may not have been considered as big a success as you think, or a director who's last film was critically mauled and didn't succeed at the box office, is dangerous. As is self-congratulation, as in "I'm on the right track"]
Listen, I'm a realist, and I'm not gonna sit here and say that I'm the greatest screenwriter, however, I'm pretty good according to college Professors and objective, professional script readers that I know (and my mom, love you mom).
[Quoting peers is useful only if they are known to the recipient and respected by them. Here professors are mentioned, but are they screenwriting professors, or do they teach philosophy? Names of readers would help. But saying your mum likes it, even as a joke, is just unprofessional]
The point is, is that there is a deluge of bad films (especially in the horror/supernatural genre) hitting the big screen. And when I say "bad films," I'm talking poor box office, primarily (there are a few that have made lots of money, even though they were bad, mind you). This isn't my opinion talking, these are numbers talking, and the numbers don't lie. What constitutes a box office failure? When cost exceeds revenue, and in my opinion, when revenue BARELY exceeds cost.
[Teaching your grandmother, or even your prospective producer to suck eggs will also not put them in their good books. As is exessively colloquial language: "mind you" for example)
It's really that basic. Here are a few examples:
1) Land of the Dead
Budget: 15 million
Domestic Gross: 20 million
Conclusion: Not too good.
2) Silent Hill
Budget: 50 million
Domestic Gross: 46, 982,632
Conclusion: Really bad.
3) House of Wax
Budget: 40 million
Domestic Gross: 32,064,800
Conclusion: Really bad.
[Luckily, perhaps f
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